the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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