My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm really busy with my period
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