Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
smell my finger.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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