so that wasnt chicken after all
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
