so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
