for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
