Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
