its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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