hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
