Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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