I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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