he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
