I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
