your parents love me but you hate me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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