apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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