life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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