Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
