i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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