when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
