soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
