Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
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Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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