Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
