is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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