woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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