You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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