Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
