If that was your dad, he is hot
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
