I wanna passion pit in your ass
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
