I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
operation have a gay friend backfired
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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