Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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