You're my little dorito
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
As shirtless as possible
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
