my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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