yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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