I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
