Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
