mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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