So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
