I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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