lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
