I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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