gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
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I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
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So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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