I cannot find my penis.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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