we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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