i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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