bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
