Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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