Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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