I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
