At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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