apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
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look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
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Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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