He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
