dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
