R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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