well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
he just fucked me for my cheese.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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