That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
