just tell him i said nine months
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
