It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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