i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
