I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
