I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize