my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
