in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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