I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
