I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
