hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
