i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
