I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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