I just cut my nipple shaving
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
