Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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