how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
