My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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