he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
