If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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