new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
