I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Small penises have feelings too.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
