she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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