so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
