while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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