Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Found the puke drawer
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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