Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
